Rec Cfunt
by Himitsu-no-Paradise
Summary: Rec Cfunt. His Sword. Rikku reminisces about loving him, as her fingers rove over the cool metal of his sword. Aurikku.


Rec Cfunt

---

It was more than just steel and gold and reinforced glass. To her, at least. It was the only keepsake she had left. It was the only thing she could hold onto besides his fleeting memory when she closed her eyes. It was the only physical thing she had that reminded her that he had been alive and he had been there, with her, next to her, around her.

Sometimes she heard his voice, and saw his face but they were just memories and memories can be fabricated for the sake of the person. But the steel and gold and reinforced glass told her that her memories of him were not fabricated. They were real and so she knew that he had been too.

It was a sword. It was his sword. She'd seen him use it so many times. He'd protected her with it and so now she could protect her cousin with it in his stead. Ha. Yes, of course. That's the only reason she used the sword, indeed. What a load of crap. She knew her real reason for hefting the sword and striking down fiends. She knew why, when in the Samurai form, she swung the sword with all her strength.

He meant something.

She wanted him to be _proud_.

She wondered if the dead could see those they leave behind in the Farplane. She wondered if the pyreflies of those lost could still watch with the same strong memories of the people they use to be. She doubted it. She didn't believe in such nonsense. Sure, she'd seen pyreflies and parts of the Farplane but she doubted those tiny little fallen stars had memories. They were just lights. And one could not be distinguished from another. She would never be able to tell which was part of him and which was part of someone else so why bother?

As she sat there, the blade of his sword laying flat on her outstretched legs and her hand running over the cool surface, she wondered why he left the sword to her. She assumed for the same reason Yuna used Tidus' sword. A memory they both shared and a romance that could never be. But how honest was romance? And as mentioned before, how trustworthy is a memory?

It was just after the fall of her Home. It was a late night in the upper levels of the airship just before confronting Evrae. She was crying. She was sad. She was lost.

And he came to her.

…

_Rikku could only blame herself for her Home's destruction. If she had not been part of Yunie's party, they never would've targeted the Al Bhed. But she refused to let her cousin—her best friend—die for something that may be corrupt anyway._

She squeaked when she heard the heavy footfall of another and looked up from her position in the dark upper level of the airship, sitting up on a tiny cot, her face stained with moist roads created by salty tears. She was surprised to see one person moving toward her. She would've thought, as the rest of the party were wide awake and anxious, and quite without her presence, that all of them or a few of them would come searching for her. But only one had. And not just any one person. The one she'd doubted would come looking for her the most.

Auron.

She tried to hide her moist face from him but he placed **his **sword down and sat down on the cot with her. His face was stoic, as usual, and he didn't look at her but he knew she was upset. Moments passed in complete silence, save for the sniffles that Rikku desperately tried to suppress and failed.

He was the first to speak: "It was not your fault."

Rikku kept her mouth closed. She was frightened that if she opened it, she would not be able to speak. Only sob uncontrollably. Still, she glanced at him, ignoring his hard-set face, knowing he meant well. Slowly, she moved closer to him and placed her head on his shoulder, asking softly, with a cracked, raw voice: "Why did you come looking for me?"

He said nothing, but Rikku noted that his hand was on her shoulder and he was pulling her closer. And she felt it. Something she hadn't felt since she was a child, curled in her mother's embrace. Comfort. And when that soft comfort came and laid it's head among her bossom, she knew it was all right to cry in front of him.

And she did.

And from that moment, she also knew…she couldn't live without him.

…

Rikku's fingers continued to caress the metal of the blade. She stared down into it, blankly, and her reflection stared, helplessly, back at her. In this, she could almost sense that the blade was incomplete without its predecessor, as well. This made her laugh, bitterly.

So she wasn't completely alone. Inanimate objects were missing him with her, too. Well, the blade wouldn't be missing him so much if he hadn't already been dead. She could remember, all to well, the night he had told her, too.

It was a good time after the airship and the girl had finally faced up to her feelings. She was ready to tell him everything she felt and somehow in her heart she knew he felt the same. She was going to ask him to come back to the desert with her after the pilgrimage was over and start a life with her. However, things didn't exactly go as she had planned them. 

…

_"I love you," Rikku whispered to herself, like she had a million times that day. Shivering, she curled up in the corner of the cave where the party was staying, only a few miles from the top of Mt. Gagazet. Her attire was completely not suited for climbing a snowy slope and she really didn't feel like being social, which meant not sitting by the nice cozy fire that had been built._

As for her repeating such crucial words to herself over and over…well…that's what she wanted to tell someone. A certain someone in her party as it was. But there was never a perfect way to tell someone you love them, and certainly not when you're in the bowels of a mountain. But who knew when Yunie's pilgrimage would be over and she didn't want to wait forever.

She rubbed her arms, trying to warm the skin which was covered in freezing little goose bumps. It was then she felt something draped over her shoulders and she looked up. Her comfort was coming to sit with her with **his** sword again. He set the weapon down next to him and stretched his legs out, crossing them at the ankles. Again, he did not look at her, but she looked at him and she could now see his arms, toned and scarred. His dark-red cowl was now draped over her and she smiled a little as she tightened it around herself.

"Thank you."

He nodded. Though he acted oblivious, she was the only one he felt comfortable sitting so close to. Ever since the airship, they had formed a bond. He knew it was there. He knew it was more than friendship, also. But it was not something he was keen to act on in his present situation, no matter how much it ate him up inside. She was young. Very young. And there were other factors as well. But he couldn't have expected what had come next.

"Auron, I love you."

He closed his eye. He wanted to tell her…every emotion he felt for her. But because of those emotions…he knew accepting her would only lead to an anguish he never wished to bestow upon her. "Rikku…don't."

When he opened that lone eye again, he noticed that her shoulders were shaking, but not in a shivering fashion. Perfect. He'd made her cry. If only a little, his expression softened and his arm came around her, just like on the airship. He felt her bury her face in the crook of his arm, and though it was muffled, he heard her sob, "Why not?"

His grip tightened and his own breathing became unstable, as he held back the pain. "Rikku, I do not wish to break your heart."

His voice was softer than normal, but stable and firm.

However, when the girl looked up, she found distance and hurt in his one dark iris. She shook her head. "You won't. I know you feel the same so—"

"And if I do, it does not change the fact that I will break your heart." He sounded sorry, but still he did not look at her. He couldn't. He knew there were probably more tears in those swirling eyes.

"I don't under—"

"I'm Unsent, Rikku. My journey is over as soon as Yuna's is."

In an instant, she was no longer tucked under his arm. She was no longer curled into the warmth of his coat. Suddenly, she felt the urge to be social come back and she was sitting with Yuna, leaving him alone.

His head fell back onto the rocky wall of the damp cave. He did feel the same. But she was young. And he…

…he was dead.

…

Rikku knew she hadn't acted as mature as she could have in that moment. She could have sat there with him and told him that it didn't matter. That she would cherish the time they still had. But she was only fifteen back then. She didn't want to be mature. She wanted to be loved. She wanted to _think_ she might have a chance at a future with the man she so desperately fell in love with.

But she knew, after that moment, she did not. And so she shunned him. Maybe he had believed it was for the best to tell her, in the moment when she had been most confident that her feelings were returned, that he was dead. But she didn't want to believe it. She wanted to believe he was scared of being loved _because_ he was dead. She wanted to believe exactly what he had told her. He was scared of breaking her heart. And in believing that, even at fifteen, she found herself growing up a little bit because she knew whether she pushed him away or he her _or_ whether they spent their last few days, weeks, months, whatever together, she would still love him and in that she found, no matter how things worked out between them, her heart would still break. So, if her heart was going to break so terribly at the end of their journey, she realized that she should nourish her still unbroken heart as much as she could in their last bit of time together.

And that's exactly what she did after a little bit of confrontation.

…

_Rikku glanced at the quiet man—the legendary guardian—and **his **sword that he carried so carefully. He could handle a sword, made of only metal, with care but not the heart of a fifteen year old. **Sayhea**, she found herself thinking in her native tongue. Meanie._

"We're almost to the other side of the mountain and then we'll be in Zanarkand," Lulu commented, quietly.

"It's almost over, ya," Wakka added.

Almost over. Yes. It was. Another day. Maybe two is all they had left. And Rikku was not going to let her feelings go to waste. She refused. Grabbing the empty sleeve of his cowl, she stopped him. "We need to talk."

"Rikku," he reprimanded.

"No, don't **Rikku** me! We need to talk and we need to talk now!"

Everyone stopped and turned. Hearing Rikku shrieking at Auron was usually not a big deal but not often did the chipper little Al Bhed sound so desperate. Especially when it came to speaking with Auron.

Auron looked at them and nodded. "Go on. We'll only be a moment."

They all gave a curt nod back and kept walking.

"Rikku—"

"Hu! Zicd crid ib yht mecdah!" Rikku shrieked. She was crying. Auron obeyed her foreign command and nodded.

"You think I care if you're dead? I know you're going to disappear when this is all over. I know. Somehow I always knew you'd disappear in one way or another. But I'm not as childish as you think. I'm not just going to abandon my feelings because you're afraid that my poor little crushing heart will be broken. Let me tell you something, bub! This isn't a crush. A crush is what the ten year old me had on this really cute sixteen year old that use to work for my Pops. **That's** a crush. This is real and you're wasting it. All the time we still have left before you leave me, you're wasting it because you're afraid I'm some porcelain doll that will shatter when you're gone!"

She was full on sobbing now. "But I'm not! I'll keep going if only to keep your memory alive. Because now that I know what you are, I can accept that, if only for a little while, I still want to be with you! And whether you keep me close or push me away, my heart will still be broken because the love is still there. But I'd rather it be broken after it's floated in my chest and fluttered there at the sound of your voice saying my name or your arms around me. That would be an ideal heartbreak. The kind of heartbreak that doesn't make you regret love. It makes you cherish it even more! But you make it so hard. You make it so damn hard! Oui pek, cdibet zang!"

In what seemed like only a nanosecond, she was in his arms, and he was making no noise, except for the soft 'shh'ing noises in her ear. That sweet, strong, warm comfort was back and she relished it. And then, his voice floated into her ear canal. It was soft, and gruff but it held an emotion she thought she'd never hear in it. Love. And that voice, soft and warm and full of affection, murmured two words:

"I'm sorry."

They weren't **I love you** but they were beautiful nonetheless. At least to her. When he let her go, his was frowning, but his good eye glowed with something soft. Something that was only hers. And then he held **his** sword out to her.

"Show me that you can lift this."

"What for?"

"Please, Rikku."

The girl frowned. She didn't know what he wanted from her but she wrapped her hand around the strong, reinforced glass and golden wired-lacing of the hilt and lifted it. She struggled a little, but she lifted **his** sword and it felt powerful and it filled her with the same comfort that his arms and his body did. She, slowly, lowered the sword and blinked at him.

"Auron…?"

"When I'm gone, it's yours."

She started to cry all over again.

…

Her legs were bent and spread apart slightly and most of the blade of the sword rested in the grass before her as she hugged the hilt. She was crying, just as she had that day on the mountain when he had promised the blade to her. Somehow, he had known it supplied her with the same comfort he had. 

She laughed again, beneath her tears. He was always the exception, wasn't he? He was always the one to know exactly how Sin worked, why he was doing what he was doing and when or how he was going to do it. He was the only exception to death. He was Unsent and therefore still alive yet dead at the same time. And he was the exception in people's ability to read her. She tried to keep all of her emotions to herself, most of the time. That's why she refused to visit the Farplane. But he had known when she had needed a shoulder to cry on after Home's desctruction. He had known when to comfort her in the cold cave inside Mt. Gagazet. And he had known just how to comfort her everytime after that.

As she clutched the sword to her, she decided that she had made the right decision. She had fallen in love with the only man in Spira who could read her emotions. To her, that was an amazing feat. And so she applauded him—figuratively speaking—for always knowing when to be there for her, in their last few days together. Like when they first entered Zanarkand and she realized just how close she was to not only losing him…but her cousin as well.

…

_"Yunie, do you really want to go through with this? I mean…I'm sure some other summoner could take your place. And…and maybe **that** summoner will bring the Eternal Calm and no more summoners will have to die!" She grinned at her, trying to lighten not only Yuna's mood, but her own._

But Yuna was hard-set on doing what needed to be done for the people of Spira. She shook her head. "I will finish what I have started. I will continue until the end and defeat Sin. Perhaps I shall bring the Eternal Calm. But if not, at least I know there will be a Calm, for a little while and it will be because of me. That is good enough."

That night, Rikku—once again—found herself wanting to be less than social. Of course, her exception, her comfort, decided he was going to join her. She was glad too. She felt like crying and so far, he was the only one she felt comfortable enough to cry around. She looked up at him with her swirling eyes, spinning both physically and with emotions she could not control. 

His brow furrowed, as if trying to figure out what was wrong with her just by looking into her eyes.

Knowing that he cared enough to try and find the problem without humiliating her by asking was the last step. She was over the edge and there was no going back. She was crying now and there was no stopping. She sobbed incoherent things into his arm that, despite being incoherent, he understood.

Of course, she didn't want Yuna to die.

Of course, she wanted to find a better way.

"You're acting childish." But his voice was soft and apologetic and she knew he was trying to make her feel better in his special Auron way.

"Oui pek, cdibet zang," she replied and in that moment, she noticed a soft rumbling. It was like a tiny earthquake, shared only between them. She, then, realized what it really was. He was laughing. Her comfort, her exception, was laughing.

She blinked up at him, glaring. "What in the name of machina is so funny?"

"You."

It was enough.

…

By that day, by that time, by that very _moment_ even, their time together was already limited. 

Looking back now, she realized there was probably more that could have transpired between them, to make their relationship seem more real before his passing. But in those last few days, in those last few moments, she had—no, they both had—realized that there was something more important than the reality of their relationship. In those last few struggling days, they realized the power, the fire, the need for each other was far more important than the reality of their relationship. Rikku found nothing more powerful in him than the fact that he could sit down beside her, put an arm around her and make her feel as if nothing would ever be wrong again. They didn't need reality when they had strength like that.

And now, looking back, she realized that when reality finally came, not only in the relationship but in the fact that he was leaving or he was gone, she knew that they had spent those last days the best way they, as they were, in both character and their hearts, knew how.

And even though, when that fateful day came, she cried for him, she knew what they had shared was special, meaningful and even on the Farplane, he would smile, if only once, knowing he had had something magical for a few, lasting moments. And that was enough for her.

…

_The pyreflies danced up from his form._

Yuna cried.

Lulu even shed a tear.

But Rikku was the worst. No one could touch her. No one could get near her as she watched the only comfort she'd had since her mother disappear into a million little starlights.

She reached out for him, and he did something completely out of character. He smiled at her. Moving toward her, he closed his eye and took her hand.

His own hand was light and fluttery, as much as Rikku could surmise anyway. As she sobbed, for what seemed like the millionth time in only a matter of days, he continued to smile, which made it harder for her.

"Rikku, thank you," she heard him begin. "These last few days have been special. And now I see you crying, your heart broken just like I knew it would be if this continued but I'm at ease because even around your heartbreak as I look into your eyes, I still see the love you so fought to be able to give to me, you stubborn little fool."

She laughed a little at his playfulness, even at this moment. He seemed so out of character, but still himself and that made her love him even more.

"So before this is over, I give you only two things." And then **his** sword was presented to her. "My sword, which has helped me through two pilgrimages and will now find peace in delicate hands just as I have, and…"

As she grasped the sword and held it close to her, sniffling, she heard the man murmur, "…I return the love you so willingly gave to me."

Then his lips were on hers and it didn't matter that all of the others were staring, because that last moment was their's and then he was gone, and Rikku opened her eyes to find herself kissing a little red pyrefly before it fluttered away.

She clutched his sword, tears drifting down her face faster than before. He was gone. He was really gone. She would never be able to reach out and grab the empty sleeve of his cowl again. She would never be able to yell at him, call him a stupid jerk again. She would never find herself tucked under his arm, against the comfort of his shoulder. She would never hear his voice but in her memories. 

And memories could be fallacy, right?

She realized, only to add to her despair, that forever her comfort, her exception was truly gone.

…

But when she clutched the sword, traces of his embrace still fluttered against her body. When she fought with the sword, she still saw him, protecting her from fiends. This was _his_ sword. And being close to it, despite its inanimate state, was almost like being near him.

Shortly after Auron had disappeared, so had Tidus.

Yuna had been as broken as poor Rikku, maybe more. And Rikku just could not have that. Yuna had brought the Eternal Calm, just as she said she might, and Rikku didn't think anyone who was that determined should be sad. Plus, Rikku didn't want her cousin to suffer like she had to. Yuna still had a chance to be happy. Both girls had known Tidus was still alive, _somewhere_, and they were intent on finding him.

They met up with a woman named Paine, who joined their little search and rescue mission. It was during this mission that Rikku had first used _his_ sword. And she continued to use it throughout. It was through _his_ strength, she was able to reunite her cousin with Tidus, and so reunite herself with her own love, in spirit at least.

And it was in moments like this, sitting in the grass, crying, as she hugged _his_ sword close, and felt a brush, as soft and fine as lace and as slight as a first, chaste kiss, of that comfort he had once given her, on a cold night on Mt. Gagazet and again in the ruins of Zanarkand, that she knew he was there, still, watching her with one dark eye and a small smile that showed her what true love really was.

_His_ sword had kept her connected to him. And in _his_ sword, she could reach to the sparkling starlight pyreflies and touch him. Just one more time. 

…

Owari

…

I dunno. I'm not one for sad endings but I really like this ending. But if you want me to continue it, let me know. Review and all that.

Final Fantasy X and X-2 characters don't belong to me.


End file.
